Best Humorous Instagram Story Update Quotes

Instagram story is a good means of connecting with your followers while also sharing the personality. Whether your goal is to make your audience laugh at the well-timed joke, brighten their day with a funny take, or just bring a splash of humour into their scrolling routine, a funny quote will do you good. Below is a compilation of some funny Instagram story updates quotes to get your followers sniggering and engaging with your content.

Funny Self-Deprecation Quotes

• I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.
• Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
• I am not a snack. I’m the whole fridge… and it’s empty.
• Mirror, mirror on the wall, what happened?
• Running on caffeine, chaos, and inappropriate thoughts.
• I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new look every morning.
• Some call it ‘complaining.’ I call it motivational speaking.
• I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
• I’m a multitasker: I can listen, ignore, and forget all at once.
• Life’s too short to be serious, so if you can’t laugh at yourself… call me, I’ll do it for you.

Witty Observations on Life

• The best things in life are free. The second-best are very expensive.
• If you’re waiting for a sign, this is it. Go get pizza.
• If we’re not supposed to eat at night, why’s there a light in the fridge?
• Life happens. Coffee helps.
• I need six months of vacation, twice a year.
• It’s not a phase, Mom. It’s my life motto: ‘Netflix and snacks.
• When nothing goes right, go left.
• It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
• Some people graduate with honours, I am just honoured to graduate.
• Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.

Foodie Fun

• You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.
• My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.
• I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.
• Current mood: What’s for dinner?
• Fries before guys. Always.
• I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
• People who love to eat are always the best people.
• Cake is the answer. No matter the question.
• Chocolate doesn’t ask questions, chocolate knows.
• I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

Relationship and Single Life Humor

• Love is in the air. Nope, that’s bacon.
• Date someone who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara.
• I’m single because I was born that way.
• Swipe left for no drama. Swipe right for snacks.
• Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m on Instagram, and so are you.
• I’m not very good at advice. Can I interest you in a snarky comment?
• Couples who laugh together, last together… or maybe they just laugh at each other.
• Relationship status: Netflix, snacks, and avoiding adulting.
• My soulmate might be carbs.
• When life gives you lemons, make a mojito. Alone.

Workplace & Study Struggles

• Monday is proof that we survived the weekend.
• I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.
• I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.
• Coffee: because adulting is hard.
• Out of my mind. Be back in 5 minutes.
• Is it Friday yet? Asking for a friend.
• The WiFi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
• Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
• Work hard so you can shop harder.
• Why do they call it a ‘morning routine’? There’s nothing routine about my mornings.

Pop Culture Puns

• I’m not lazy; I’m just on Stranger Things energy.
• 99% sure Beyoncé does not run into such problems.
• Why be moody when you can just shake it off like Taylor Swift?
• live, laugh, love. but make it Kardashian levels of dramatic.
• I binge-watched so much Netflix that it asked me if I was okay.
• I didn’t choose the thug life; the thug life chose me. in The Office reruns.
• Schitt’s Creek level dramatic, minus the pretend vomiting into a toilet.
• Channel my inner Chandler Bing: Could I BE any funnier?
• When life gets tough, just yell ‘Plot twist!
• Adulting level: Where’s my Hogwarts acceptance letter?

Fitness Fails

• I work out… just kidding, I take naps.
• My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
• Abs are great, but have you tried donuts?
• Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.
• My summer body is still loading… buffering…
• I’m on a new diet. It’s called eating everything and regretting nothing.
• Sweating for the wedding? More like sweating for snacks.
• The only crunches I do are in chips.
• My gym is the fridge. Open and close reps all day.
• Life’s too short to skip dessert.

Random Laughs

• My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
• I don’t trip; I do random gravity checks.
• Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
• Some people graduate with honours, I am just honoured to graduate.
• I’m not short; I’m fun-sized.
• The early bird gets the worm, but I prefer pancakes.
• I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
• Reality called, so I hung up.
• I speak fluent sarcasm.
• Haters are just confused fans.

Holiday Humor

• All I want for Christmas is sleep.
• Dear Santa, I can explain.
• Holiday calories don’t count.
• New Year, same me because I’m fabulous.
• Valentine’s Day: Wine, dine, and swipe left.
• Easter: When all chocolate is guilt-free.
• Halloween: Where I don’t even need a costume to scare people.
• Thanksgiving: The only day gluttony is socially acceptable.
• Holiday spirit? More like holiday spirits.
• Resolutions are for quitters. I’m sticking to snacks.

The funny Instagram quotes shown below will add the perfect dose of humour to your Stories and help you connect with your audience as you showcase your witty side. And it doesn’t matter if you talk about life or food, or you share your struggle in quarantine-they’re guaranteed to bring smiles.

So, which is your favourite one? Share in the comment or DM me about your go-to funny quote!